TRIGGERED?

I’m way behind the times, I’ve been triggered and I’m conflicted. Recently I saw the film clip from 2012 of a song by Lana Del Ray called ‘Summertime Sadness’ for the first time. Apparently the song was written by Lana Del Ray in response to the suicide of a close friend. The clip is so very romantic in style, featuring two beautiful young women in a soft focus haze. One of these beautiful women stands on a high cliff edge with expansive views of a distant natural wilderness. Her arms are outstretched like Jesus on the cross, then she gently falls forward into the abyss. Later in the clip, the other woman climbs over the side of a bridge dressed in a glamorous long red dress, stands for a moment in the soft evening light before stepping off the edge. She falls gracefully in slow motion. Her death is symbolized by a jar falling to the ground and smashing into pieces. Throughout the clip, the singer pouts, poses, and exudes sexiness. And sadness? The portrayal of the intense emotional pain that pushed a young woman to suicide is reduced to a furrowed brow and a few tears on the cheek of the actor playing Lana’s friend.

Among the spontaneous tears that dribbled down my aged cheek while watching the clip, was a touch of anger. How many young girls have watched it and aspired to the dizzying heights of ethereal beauty and a romantic death? My daughter was 14 at the time of the song’s release and I wondered whether she’d seen it. In 2012 she didn’t yet have suicide ideation as far as I know. But then, what would I know? Like many parents, I was unaware of many things that went on in the life of my child in her teenage and early adult years, and I certainly didn’t know what was happening inside her head.

‘Triggered’ is such a silly word in my opinion. It is completely inadequate to describe an overwhelming wave of devastating grief. On the other hand, it’s often used to suggest we should all be protected from anything that might remind us of our sadness, as if that’s possible. And doesn’t the world of psychiatry tell us attempting to ignore and repress grief or trauma isn’t a healthy way to deal with it? So I am conflicted. I don’t believe suicide should be a taboo subject, let alone censored in art, yet I object to it being presented in such a dreamily poetic manner. My daughter is still alive; she didn’t jump off a cliff or a bridge but how would I feel seeing that clip if she had?

Of course, romanticising suicide in art or literature is nothing new. Romeo and Juliet is one obvious example. So I’m conflicted, confused, and out of touch with what young people see on the internet. But from what I’ve heard there are some extremely harmful websites and chat groups that make the clip of ‘Summertime Sadness’ appear benign in comparison; chat groups promoting anorexia or bulimia as a way to achieve weight loss, and others celebrating self-harm and other dangerous activities. Yet I have been ‘triggered’ by the clip and so I write this.